1. feed cats. they are so appreciative.
2. bedroom. stuff a sock in my mouth, face in pillows, blanket over head. scream until it hurts to draw a breath.
3. stare at texts from him and consider repeatedly that the jump from my window is not an ensuring-death height. live through this.
4. pack a bowl. smoke. stroke leg hair.
5. write two page essay because why have I been putting this off. it’s just explaining shit, what I could say in five min or less. fucking fuck just get it the fuck done.
6. wait for response from internship lady. cry because you’re someone who immediately thinks missing class is out of the question. what a fucking monster.
7. cry about everything. makes me sleepy. text him make it known that I love him (he knows he’s being a dick anyways. we both get caught up in our heads.)
8. stop body checking. there’s nothing pretty there, I won’t find it.
9. feel. sleep. be honest. I’m really sad. as usual, misplaced guilt and building anxiety. breathe and stop holding your breath even if floating feels better than where your feet have you standing.
x. please text.